Next-Gen Data Analytics Shed Light on Perch Usage Trends
After months of exploratory analysis and statistical research, PINE SAP is back to share its findings with the Pine Island community! As you may recall, PINE SAP (Pine Island’s Newly Exhaustive Statistical Analytics Program) was founded in 2023 to fill PIC’s glaring need for sufficiently next-gen quantification of the camp experience. Throughout the past year, the folks here at PINE SAP have been laboring diligently—collecting data under the watchful eyes of Zommule of Zim, the Omnioccular Wiggly Ziggler; running Spamson the Somnolent Sloth’s painfully slow, yet highly accurate models; and helping Glubb the Gourmandizing Grouper crunch numbers day in and day out. With previous analyses of Dustball spin rates and activity line placement having clearly demonstrated the importance of our highly advanced work, we turned our full attention this year to one of the most essential aspects of camp life.
As far back as anyone can remember, PIC has struggled with a persistent imbalance in perch utilization rates. Analysis of the available data reveal a consistent trend, with South Perch usage significantly above optimal levels, while the North Perch sits comparatively idle. Despite being the South’s equal in terms of elevation and quality of lake views, the North Perch’s foot traffic has nevertheless come almost exclusively from the residents of Magoon and Needlepoint, with occasional hectic visits from Boathouse activity practitioners and Jacques the Darin’ Great Pond Heron.
During our investigation, PINE SAP, in close consultation with the LTIP Wrangler, identified a key change that has notably altered the trajectory of perch usage: in 2023, the LTIPs moved from Tent 1 to their new cabin, known as the Bulkhead, on the northern side of Honk Hill. Although less than 20 meters separate their old and new quarters, the upshot is that the LTIPs now live just 44 meters (roughly the length of 9.2 Hisspahtahdispahs) from the North Perch, and 59 meters (12.3 Hisspahs) from the South Perch—a nearly perfect reversal of the situation in their previous dwelling. Although LTIPs make up just 4% of the camp population, the effect of their newfound proximity to the North Perch is clearly visible in the data:
This finding, while revelatory, also clearly demonstrated that the problem of unequal perch utilization is likely intractable; with over 80% of the Pine Island population living south of Honk Hall, the South Perch seems destined to receive far more visitors than the North. (Our historical analysis found that even the memorable “Poo in the North” messaging campaign of the early 2000s had a negligible effect on overall usage rates.)
Fortunately, we also discovered that the concentration of living quarters in South Perch territory only presented a potential problem once a day: during tent cleanup. Rigorous scrutiny of the patterns found a significant spike in perch foot traffic during the hour immediately following breakfast. While campers typically pin the blame on various breakfast foods, most staff members appeared deeply skeptical of this claim; one anonymous Ridge counselor noted that the campers most consistently found reading Calvin and Hobbes in the perch during tent cleanup also tended to be the least enthusiastic about making their beds. This, too, was borne out by the data: grouping campers by tent, we found a clear inverse correlation between total collective minutes spent in the perch during tent cleanup and the chances of winning tent inspection that day. The complex statistical relationship between tent cleanup and perch usage is summarized in the charts below:
Fortunately, high-level consultation between PINE SAP and management has resulted in a simple improvement that should forestall any potential problems: new state-of-the-art fluid collection tanks. While these tanks will not change the perch experience that we all know and love, they will optimize the cleaning and maintenance process for the LTIPs and help keep things running smoothly during peak usage hours. Campers, staff members, and LTIPs alike can look forward to seeing (but not smelling!) these new tanks in action during the 2025 season.
Till next time, Akka Lakka!
Xander Schwartz, K.D.
PINE SAP Founder and COO (Communications Optimization Officer)
This article was originally published in the February 2025 edition of The Pine Needle.